You Cannot Control Everything

You Cannot Control Everything“It’s not like I let people do things for me, so I guess you can call me a control freak, or you can call me passionate.” ~Courteney Cox  

In our lives we cannot control everything. Those who try to control everything around them will ultimately live a miserable life. Imagine in your own personal life if you were able to control every single thing. What would that list look like against the reality list of how everything actually works? Why not list this out right now? Try something like this:

IN MY LIFE I WANT TO CONTROL:         

1.

2.

3.

IN REALITY IT WORKS LIKE THIS:

1.

2.

3.

The key now is to own this list. Be okay with not being able to control each of these items in the reality column. Look over the items you want to control and determine if this really must be the case?

How about our lives in the business world? What if we were going to be able to control everything. What would be on this list now after comparing it to the original list? Would anyone else continue to work with you? 

IN MY BUSINESS (OR CAREER) I NEED TO CONTROL:

1.

2.

3.

 

IN REALITY THESE ITEMS ARE NOT UNDER MY CONTROL:

1.

2.

3. 

In the business world how much of a problem are the items not under your control? 

“Why worry about things you can’t control when you can keep yourself busy controlling the things that depend on you?” ~Unknown

This is especially dangerous behavior for an entrepreneur or anyone in a start up company. In a perfect scenario each person has their area(s) of expertise and they need to be given enough freedom to complete their mission.

If you are an entrepreneur or working in a start-up company try filling in this list:

TODAY I AM ABLE TO CONTROL:

1.

2.

3.

I AM OKAY WITH NOT BEING ABLE TO CONTROL:

1.

2.

3. 

Is it productive to be a total control freak at work? Is it okay in the business to share ownership across various people? 

“Steve Jobs had his critics. Some saw him as an egomaniac, and others, as a control freak.” ~Kevin O’Leary

For us to stand a chance don’t we have to be comfortable with ourselves and our own beliefs. The flip side of that is to listen to what others have to say as anyone of us would be able to fall back into the ‘control this’ model. 

Are you ready to start working with a coach? Contact Mitch here.

Mitch Tublin is an advanced certified executive and personal coach who resides in Stamford, CT.

 

Even a Control Freak Cannot Control Everything

stressed-control-freak“It’s not like I let people do things for me, so I guess you can call me a control freak, or you can call me passionate.” ~Courteney Cox 

In our lives we cannot control everything. Those who try to control everything around them will ultimately live a miserable life. Imagine in your own personal life if you were able to control every single thing. What would that list look like against the reality list of how everything actually works? Why not list this out right now? Try something like this:

IN MY LIFE I WANT TO CONTROL:         

1.

2.

3.

IN REALITY IT WORKS LIKE THIS:

1.

2.

3.

The key now is to own this list. Be okay with not being able to control each of these items in the reality column. Look over the items you want to control and determine if this really must be the case?

How about our lives in the business world? What if we were going to be able to control everything. What would be on this list now after comparing it to the original list? Would anyone else continue to work with you? 

IN MY BUSINESS (OR CAREER) I NEED TO CONTROL:

1.

2.

3.

 

IN REALITY THESE ITEMS ARE NOT UNDER MY CONTROL:

1.

2.

3. 

In the business world how much of a problem are the items not under your control? 

“Why worry about things you can’t control when you can keep yourself busy controlling the things that depend on you?” ~Unknown

This is especially dangerous behavior for an entrepreneur or anyone in a start up company. In a perfect scenario each person has their area(s) of expertise and they need to be given enough freedom to complete their mission.

If you are an entrepreneur or working in a start-up company try filling in this list:

TODAY I AM ABLE TO CONTROL:

1.

2.

3.

I AM OKAY WITH NOT BEING ABLE TO CONTROL:

1.

2.

3. 

Is it productive to be a total control freak at work? Is it okay in the business to share ownership across various people? 

“Steve Jobs had his critics. Some saw him as an egomaniac, and others, as a control freak.” ~Kevin O’Leary

For us to stand a chance don’t we have to be comfortable with ourselves and our own beliefs. The flip side of that is to listen to what others have to say as anyone of us would be able to fall back into the ‘control this’ model. 

Mitch Tublin is an advanced certified executive and personal coach who resides in Stamford, CT.

Starting soon is the Empowerment Program. Sign up here to learn more about this program.

Are You Ready For Anything?

wasp-on-flowerIt was a gorgeous summer day. Clear blue skies with hardly a cloud. A slight breeze and little humidity. My windows were rolled down, the air conditioning was off, the sound system was off, the cell phone was off and driving along the highway at 55 MPH… it was a gorgeous summer day. The quiet, the smells of summer with a light breeze coming in the car windows. All was good. Really good.

This is how we met. Mother Nature must have wanted us to meet at this time, in this place, in this way. She must have flown in the window. Clearly unannounced and unnoticed.

A pain in my back. WOW! This hurt! It must be a bee, a hornet, a wasp about three quarters of the way up my back right on the spine. Now we are together driving along on the highway at 55 MPH. The stinging hurts – A LOT! To myself – “Okay, have to think as you are not stopping and there is no where to pull over”.

By moving too much, whatever it is might come up to my head, my neck or my face or drop down into the back of my pants.

My only thought is how to stop the stinging! Okay – the solution is to drive, to push my back, as hard as possible, into the seat back, essentially right into the thing. To myself – “If there is something causing you pain – address it – go right after it”. The intention was to trap her and potentially smash her enough to get the stinging to stop.

Finally off of the highway and in the parking lot. Jumping out of the car and looking back at my seat. There she was – still alive! A nice sized wasp.

My initial thought was to swat her out of the car and crush her with my shoe! She bit me and it was really hurting my back!

My workout towel was in the back seat so sliding her out of the car was easy enough to do. She would fend for herself now. It was how we met. Goodbye.

The mirror in the office restroom showed the exact bite spot where now a half golf ball size welt was becoming larger and surrounded by redness. The back of the shirt where the bite took place actually had a hole in it! Was this a wasp or a vampire?

hole-in-shirt

Later in the day there was another appointment to drive to.

It was a gorgeous summer day. Clear blue skies with hardly a cloud. A slight breeze and little humidity. My windows were rolled down, the air conditioning was off, the sound system was off, the cell phone was off and driving along the highway at 55 MPH…it was a gorgeous summer day. The quiet, the smells of summer with a light breeze coming in the car windows. All was good. Really good.

Bottom Line: You can let an incident ruin a second, a minute, an hour, a day or a lifetime. You can buy a new shirt. Will you let the incident change you? Your mindset? Your behavior?

Tell me how you handle incidents that happen to you in your life from the small ones to the big ones?

Mitch Tublin is an advanced certified executive and personal coach who resides in Stamford, CT.

>>Contact Mitch to work on your mindset today!<<

A First and Lasting Impression

A First and Lasting Impression Everyone creates a first impression. You meet someone new to you and in 20 seconds or less a first impression is made. Someone goes to your website and in 7 seconds OR less they have made an impression and a judgment about you. A thirty second commercial spot during the Super Bowl costs a few million dollars. First impressions are important!

Now build on top of that and keep in mind that everyone has been raised to have certain beliefs and habits – based on how they are raised, their culture, religion, values etc. You need to have an awareness of these factors in how you present yourself and your business.

I’m sure you have heard this before: “All things being equal, people will conduct business with the people they know, like and trust.”  K – L – T

The first impression you make will either support this statement or pull out the rug from underneath you immediately.

How do you make a positive first and lasting impression? Here are some tips to help you get started: 

  • Grooming and clothing: You might not need the brand name clothing  but you do need to be clean and sharp looking. The way you look and how you groom is the first thing others will notice. Colors do need to match.
  • Remember your smile: You have the ability to smile. Remember to share it with the world.
  • Mind your manners: When you are speaking do not chew with your mouth open. Leave the gum for later. Nothing will turn someone off more than a mouth full of food, gum, or anything else while you are attempting to speak with them.
  • Know your story: Create and practice your lines that you must have right at your fingerprints. Your twenty second, one minute, two minute and five minute blurbs about you and what you do.
  • Thank you cards: This one is the clincher that most people forget about – if you want to be the one who is remembered and keeping your first impression alive, be sure to send a thank you card or a ‘great to meet you’ card right after the event. End it with a nice closing such as ‘looking forward to seeing you again’. If you know they will be at a specific event mention that or include one small line that relates to something you discussed (this way they know you were paying attention).

First impressions matter! Keep these in mind and practice your lines. Everyone could benefit from working on their first impressions.

Mitch Tublin is an advanced certified personal and executive coach who resides in Stamford, CT.

Values or Money Which Means More To You?

values-or-moneyThe other day it was cool enough outside to create a need for the heat to turn on in the house. The thing is there was a problem. We could tell something was not right, so we hit the emergency kill switch. Now when the technician comes into your house and starts poking around do you really have a clue what they are doing, looking at or what the end result will be?

When working with a client you see the solutions. You see the answers. The coaching process demands that the coach does not ‘tell’ the client what to do. The client must ‘discover’ their own answers from within. This is for meaningful growth and change to take place. Is this how you practice your coaching?

There are coaches who often step in and step out. This means they are requesting permission or stating, “May I take my coaching hat off for a moment?” Then they proceed to offer their client opinions, directions and statements of direction, none of which are part of the practice of coaching an individual. Does this describe your method of coaching?

Feel free to state your views and practices in the comments area.

The point of this article is if we are to add value to others we should want that value to stick. While we are there for our client we cannot force a client to change, to grow, or to act. A client must want to do these themselves with our support and guidance as professional coaches. Anything less is to cheat the client of the opportunity for true change, true growth, and taking real action.

Consider for a moment the consultant who works on a project for an hourly rate.

Is there an incentive to add value and provide solutions to the client or to continue to ensure there are more hours to bill to the client? The consultant who instead bills by the result and the solution will be paid in full as the result and the solution are worth the fee paid. The time it takes is not material to the conversation. It should not matter if the result and the solution takes one day or six months.

In a similar fashion a coach who designs their practice to where the coach becomes the crutch and the client always needs to use the crutch is setting themselves up for more hours to bill than to provide the client with true value.

It is when this is done by design the question is – values or money which means more to you?

Mitch Tublin is an advanced certified executive and personal coach who resides in Stamford, CT.

 

Your Dreams and Goals

We all have dreams and goals don’t we? How do we move toward achieving them?

dreams-and-goalsThere you stand right at the foot of a stair case. You want to get up to the next floor. You need to get up to the next floor. You intend to go up to the next floor. This should not be a shock to you or anyone else, you must actually take the first step up the stairs before you get yourself any closer to the next floor. Then you must take the next step and the next step. This example is a physical example and most people would be able to accomplish this goal of getting to the next level.

Another physical example is going to workout on a regular basis. There is a study which shows even among people who have been told they must exercise for their health there is a high percentage who do not regularly go to exercise. A number of people do find that working with a personal trainer, where they have an appointment and have already invested in the trainer working with them, provides the accountability necessary to get them to workout. There is still a dramatic falloff after the first 60 to 90 days.

Therefore it is no wonder when we are speaking about following through on our dreams or even our goals the majority of people take no action steps toward either.

At the most basic level, if you have a thought or a dream, how are you capturing this thought, this dream, before it goes away from your current awareness and you say things like, “I cannot remember it.” A few solutions would be to speak the thought or dream into your mobile device and record it, have a pen and a pad to write on by your bedside or near you at all times. Many people practice the skill of journaling. At a specific time each day for a specific period of time they write in a journal.

Once the thoughts or dreams are captured, albeit by a small population, the review of these must take place to determine priority, reality and interest. This process is the first time certain influences may trap you. Fear, your predisposed assumptions and other influences may take you in a direction not true to your heart. You might be thinking, “Oh no way, I must play it safe. I am not doing that, ever.” Unless there is a trained professional to challenge you and your self talk, this is going to be how you respond to the majority of your thoughts and dreams.

Tell me, how do you overcome your self talk when a part of you wants to move toward a big dream?

Mitch Tublin is an advanced, certified executive and personal coach who resides in Stamford, CT.